Something to Live For
by After The Lights
Summary: Life is never easy, nor is it ever fair.' Tidus may have disappeared but life for the other guardians continues. How will Yuna cope, living a life she never expected to lead?
1. Prologue

_**Disclaimer** -_ I do not own Final Fantasy X, any of it's characters or anything to do with Square-Enix. If I did, I don't think I'd need to still be in school.

So I was thinking to myself as I tidied my room, like you do, what could I do to make up for being such a terrible updater? Luckily I happened to find my old writing book from when I was about 11 or 12, so I thought why not post some stuff out of here. I think this is probably the best thing out of my book, and I'm not entirely sure if I'll continue with it, but if anyone wants me to, just say the word and I'll try. Enjoy. _Jess X_

**Prologue**

Life is never easy, nor is it ever fair.

You twist and turn down many paths hoping to reach happiness, only to find sadness instead.

We take all that life throws at us: the good; the bad; the ups; and the downs.

We know that what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, and that we learn from our mistakes.

People will not always be there for you and eventually you will have to go alone.

You spend the first years of your life preparing for what is to come. When it comes you spend time preparing for the afterlife. And in the afterlife ... you spend time reminiscing about your previous life.

Yet, despite all this preparing, I don't think I'll ever completely get over this. Wandering through life like a lost child without a hand to hold.

You're gone, I'm alone and I just have to carry on. But there is something inside me that tells me not to let go. Not just yet.

You said you'd stay with me always. Sometimes it doesn't feel like that, which is why I'm doing this. I will write to you about everything that happens to me, telling you how I feel, what I say and what I do. I don't know if you can see or hear me. I don't know if you'll ever read this. Somehow though, it will bring us closer together.

I'll start with the day everything changed. The day we defeated Sin. The day you disappeared.

I'll start with Day 0.

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AN - I seem to write depressing stuff better than I write happy stuff. Hope you liked it. If you did, move onto the first real chapter.


	2. Chapter 1 Day 0

_**Disclaimer **-_ I do not own Final Fantasy X, any of it's characters or anything to do with Square-Enix. If I did, I don't think I'd need to still be in school.

**Chapter 1**

**Day 0**

I'm standing on the deck of Uncle Cid's airship, staring at the spot where you took your last steps.

I don't know how long I've been standing here for. All I know is that a cold breeze is rippling through my hair, stinging my eyes and depriving me of the warmth I so dearly need. I've never felt so alone in my life.

When I think about it, all the people I love seem to disappear. My mother, my father, you., even Cid and his family to a certain extent. It may be a jinx or just pure coincidence, I don't know. It just isn't fair, at all.

The last time I felt like this was the night I stood on the Highbridge in Bevelle, a sobbing seen year old calling for her father. Kimahri saved me then but I doubt he can repeat it.

I'm standing on the deck in a now bitter wind, wanting to cry, scream, shout. I want to jump after you but I can't. It's as if there isn't an action worthy enough to express how I feel.

I sense a rush of warmth on my shoulder coming from the firm hand that has been placed there. I hear a strong Besaidian accent and I don't even need to guess who it is.

"Yuna, you all right, ya?" Wakka asks me, his voice slightly distorted by the wind.

Before I even have the chance to look at him I hear a deep, angry sigh followed by quick footsteps. Wakka is pulled off me, leaving me vulnerable to the forces of nature whilst Lulu scolds him. I can picture her hands glowing, ready to send a cascade of spells raining down onto his blitzer's body.

"Are you returning to your old ways?" Lulu whispers, obviously not wanting me to eavesdrop. "How tactless can you be? Her heart has probably shattered into thousands of shards and you ask her if she's all right!"

"I'm sorry, ya, but I don't like long silences and I couldn't think of anything else to say, y'know."

Wakka's voice in understandably shaky. Lulu can be extremely intimidating as you know only too well.

Lulu continues to punish him, interrupting Wakka every time he tries to speak. For some reason, I find it funny that after all we've been through, Wakka hasn't really changed at all. He's still the same slightly tubby, big-hearted, brotherly person I grew up with.

A smile appears on my face, lingering only for a second. I only have to think of you before it vanishes. Inhaling deeply, I turn around to face my four remaining guardians.

"I'm going to go and rest in the cabin for a while," I tell them, my voice high pitched and uneven. As I make my way towards the door Rikku suddenly gives cry of, 'Yunie,'. Her light footsteps follow before stopping abruptly.

"No. Yuna need time to be alone. Yuna has to think about Yuna problems."

I give Kimahri a brief, weary smile before leaving the blustery deck behind. Inside, the Fahrenheit is warm, bits of machinery making whirring noises and the engines propelling use through the sky at a steady speed.

I reach the cabin and look for my bed. I lie down, pulling the covers around me and breathing slow, deep breaths. I urge to cry, to have a waterfall of tears flowing down my cheeks, but all that comes is a single tear. It trickles down my left cheek and lands on the duvet. A second later I am asleep.

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When I wake up it's dark and quiet. The other beds are empty and I begin to worry. Where is everyone?

I stretch and stand up, lightly combing my fingers through my hair. I head for the door located at the other end of the cabin when something distracts me. An eerie blue light is coming from beneath one of the beds. I patter towards it and kneel to gaze at the light source.

I give an inwards sob when I see it. Your sword, The Brotherhood. You chose to fight using the Caladbolg, so I guess you just left The Brotherhood here. Sadly, another of its wielders will not be coming back. I reach out for it, a last remaining relic of you and my hand brushes against something else. I pull out a plain canvas bag and peer inside. Only when I examine its contents to I realise that it also belongs to you.

Inside are: a change of clothes; a match sheet from the blitzball tournament; several chocobo feathers; an assortment of potions and ethers; various Al Bhed dictionaries; a ticket for a shoopuf ferry crossing; a crystal that I think you took from Macalania; and a sphere.

I pick it up tentatively and wonder what it could say. Is it a message to me, telling me that you're sorry you have to go but there is no choice? Or is it just a random sphere that you found, a sphere of no importance what so ever?

I bring it closer so I can watch and your face suddenly fills the screen. You're saying something but your words don't register with me. I catch the occasional name, Lulu, Wakka, but I can't hear, I can only see. I manage to regain the power of hearing though when you say my name.

"_And last but by no mean least,Yuna ... well, where to I begin. I guess I should start by saying thank you. Thank you for believing me when no one else would. Thanks for healing me so many time that I've lost count. And thank you most of all for the things you taught me. _

_You see, in Zanarkand I thought I had everything you could possibly need. I was rich, famous, everyone loved me. Or so I thought. But... it wasn't the right type of love, not the type that you've shown me. You taught me really what life is about, and that without love, life really is worthless. _

_And I'm sorry. Sorry that I didn't tell you. But I don't think you would have gone through with all this if I had. You would have tried to stop me and given me that look of yours when you're determined to do something, you know the one I mean. And I'm also sorry that I'm such a slow person, slow to realise how much you mean to me. If I realised it sooner I would have treated you better, because you more that anyone I have ever known deserve to be treated like a queen. And most of all, I'm sorry I never got to say this to you in person, but knowing me it just wouldn't have come out right. And I feel really stupid now, knowing that I'm never going to get to say this to you in person but ... I love you. I love you Yuna and I hope you know that. And well, I guess this is goodbye."_

I can feel the tears build up behind my mis-matched eyes and this time there is no stopping them.

The floodgates open.

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Rikku finds me a little while later, sitting in a puddle of my own salty tears and clutching one of your spare shirts to my chest.

She dashes over and hugs me, rocking me gently like I'm a young child. I am glad that it's Rikku comforting me. I need my family at a time like this.

"Oh Yunie, please don't cry. If you cry, I'll start crying and then Pops will lose his head when he sees the lake we'll have made," she tells me, still not letting go.

I give a weak laugh but then the tears start again and once more I begin drowning in my sorrow.

"Rikku, what am I going to do? How can I possibly go back to living a normal life on Besaid?"

There is a long silence before she answers. Her voice a mixture of sadness, worry and honesty.

"I don't know Yunie. I just don't know."

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AN- Like this, then click the box near the top and read the next chapter.


	3. Chapter 2 Day 1

Disclaimer - I do not own Final Fantasy X, any of it's characters or anything to do with Square-Enix. If I did, I don't think I'd need to still be in school.

**Chapter 2**

**Day 1 **

I wake up early in the morning, long before anyone else.

Wakka is snoring loudly, almost like a behemoth, his orange hair sticking up in random clumps. It will take a lot of combing and hair gel to get it back to its normal, gravity defying self.

Rikku is curled up under the covers, a lump in the bed is all that is visible. There is a strange sucky sound coming from her duvet. I think she is sucking her thumb.

Lulu is flat on her back, her ebony hair loose and flowing around her face. She has her Onion Knight clasped to her chest. Whether it's for comfort or protection I do not know.

Kimahri is nowhere to be seen. He told me when I was young that no bed in Spira is big enough for Ronso except for Ronso beds. I think he made a Ronso bed in the cargo hold.

I get out of bed and slip on my dressing robe, tiptoeing towards the door so I don't wake the others. Having Lulu cast fire spells at me at five o'clock in the morning is something I want to avoid at all costs.

Once I'm outside the cabin I pause to think about last night.

After my crying jag, Rikku went to fetch Lulu. She told me to get into bed and sat with me until I fell asleep. Lulu has always been there for me and I know she'll willingly listen to anything I have to say.

I realise that I've let my feet wander about on their own. I am walking up the stairs that lead to the deck. I decide that this is a good time to practice my Al Bhed, so I count each step I take, one by one.

"Uha. Dqu. Drnaa. Vuid. Veja. Ceq. Cajah. Aekrd. Heha. Dah."

When I count ceqdaah I reach the top. I step out onto the deck and marvel at the view I have.

We are heading for Luca and I can see the city coming into view. The sky is full of colour, like a bouquet of tropical flowers, and the colour seems to seep into the sea. It's exactly like you described to me at Macalania, only with Luca instead of Zanarkand.

"_Let's go to the sea, before the sunrise. The city lights go out one by one, the stars fade, then the horizon glows almost like it's on fire. It's kinda rose coloured, right. First in the sea, then it spreads to the sky, then to the whole city. It gets brighter and brighter 'till everything glows. It's really ... pretty. I know you'd like it." _

I remember that night clearly. The way you looked at me, the way you kissed me, how you touched me, how you spoke to me. I remember how you effortless awoke feelings within my body that I previously never knew existed, with just one touch. I remember the bliss we shared, like catching a fallen star. The most wonderful night of my life.

Even though it is a happy memory, I can sense the tears that want to escape. I fall to my knees and begin to cry, wishing that you were here with me.

Tears drip onto my dressing robe, creating dark blue patches in the lavender material. I cough and splutter trying to calm myself but it' hopeless.

Once I am near water I am surrounded by it.

I try inhaling deeply, making my breathing slow and steady. It works and although I'm no longer having a miniature break down I still feel the need to cry.

I hesitate before standing up. A thought comes into my mind and even if it does seem fairly pointless I still choose to do it.

I place my fingers in my mouth and whistle.

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Lulu is up and about when I return, the typical early bird. She is already dressed and is making her bed, trying to get rid of the creases that cover the duvet.

I notice that her Onion Knight is peeking out from under her bed. She probably shoved it there when she heard me coming.

"I didn't expect to see you up this early," she tells me, now fluffing up her pillows.

"I couldn't sleep that well and I felt like some fresh air."

Lulu stops fussing over her bed and turns to face me. I don't know what she was expecting me to look like, but wearing a tear stained dressing robe with red-rimmed eyes and messy hair obviously wasn't it. She reaches over and hugs me and I'm grateful for her warm embrace.

"Yuna, you need your rest. What we've been through has drained us all, but you've been weakened the most." She pauses, as if unsure of what she is doing, but she continues. "And I know it's hard, but I understand how it feels to lose the person you love. You know I will always be ready to listen to you if you need to talk."

I pull away and smile at her, my almost big sister.

"Thank you Lulu. It means a lot that you would gladly listen to me babble on about nothing without complaining." I say to her, forcing out a childish giggle.

She looks at me, a serious expression on her face. She must think there is something wrong with me if I' laughing. I hop e she doesn't start asking questions, the first being, 'Yuna, why on Spira are you laughing when I'm trying to help you with your broken heart.'

But she doesn't. She averts her scarlet eyes away from me and looks back to her bed.

"You should get dressed Yuna and have breakfast. We're going to Luca and I expect that you'll have to give a speech. I know it isn't the best of times but you'll just have to for the sake of Spira's people. I'll try to wake up these two and we'll join you to eat. Okay?"

I nod and hurry past, grabbing my clothes off my bed. I go into the bathroom and lock the door, pondering about what is to come.

First a speech in Luca, then what? Rebuilding a broken world that depended on a false religion for a millennium? Telling people that Yevon doesn't exist, the temples are worthless buildings now and that everything they've ever been taught was a lie? I'm sure that will make them feel much better after I tell them that Sin is gone for good.

I sigh and step into the machine shower. The hot water covers and soothes my aching skin and it almost feels like my worries are being washed away, sucked down the plughole. If only it were true.

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"Alright people. We're here in Luca so you can move yourselves of my ship and leave me alone. I have a lot of things to do and I need peace and quiet to think about them and you folks will have the people swarming over you like pyreflies at a sending. Just get off, now! And that includes you Brother." This is how Uncle Cid greets us after breakfast.

"Fryd?" Brother cries, standing up and reaching for his hair.

"Pops! You can't be serious. We just saved the whole Yevon-damned world and you tell us to leave!" Rikku shrieks at her father in Al Bhed.

Cid looks at her and replies with even more force and anger in his voice than hers.

"Don't you dare say that name in my presence! And seeing as this is my airship, I can do whatever I want!

Rikku shouts back a flurry of words and Uncle Cid replies in the same way. Brother just sits down on the floor, head between his knees, and listens to the argument that only he and his immediate family can understand. Eventually, Cid storms off with Rikku yelling, 'E ryda oui cu silr yd desac mega drec!' after him. She sits back down at the table, muttering what I believe to be Al Bhed curse words under her breath.

"E ryda res cu silr cusadesac. Ra ec cilr y creddo vydran. E cusadesac drehg E't rypa paah paddan uv punh y pycdynt dryh pa cdilg fedr res," is all that I can make out.

"Rikku," I ask nervously, not wanting to anger her anymore than she already is, " maybe you should calm down."

" Oh I will Yunie," she replies with a mischievous look in her eyes. " As soon as we get off this ship I'm hitting the shops for some serious retail therapy and you're coming with me."

"I am?"

"Yep.'Cause nothing cheers you up more than spending someone else's gil in the most expensive shops in Spira."

She grins at me and I try to return it but I fail miserably. I think it will take a lot more than shopping to cheer me up.

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AN - So if you want you can translate what Rikku said but basically she's just saying she hates Cid. And if anyone really likes this story, I'll see what I can do and I'll try to continue it. Otherwise, reviews are most welcome._ Jess X_


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